Like Crazy
by only here in your arms
Summary: "I'm not a party throwing type. Even though I helped Adam with his party that he planned for Fiona last year, I'm still not a party throwing type. But for Clare, I'd do anything." HAS SPOILERS FOR DEGRASSI SHOWDOWN. One-shot.


**So I kinda wrote this like it could take place within two episodes and kinda divided up like an episode. This contains SPOILERS by the way, of the new episode descriptions for Degrassi Showdown. SO BEWARE. This is my interpretation of Clare's storyline. And I don't go into much detail since I have no idea how I should handle it so…yeah.**

**I listened to Crazy Girl by Eli Young Band while I wrote this. That's a perfect Eclare song, by the way.**

**Thanks for reading and please review!**

* * *

I'm not a party throwing type. Even though I helped Adam with his party that he planned for Fiona last year, I'm still not a party throwing type. But for Clare, I'd do anything.

She's been so busy lately. The internship, school, and helping me out with Romeo and Jules as much as she could, I'm amazed at how she's keeping it together. But lately she's been quieter, I think she's getting tired. Of course she would, I mean, she's up late every night and how do I know that? She texts me goodnight before she goes to sleep and I make sure to wake up to reply to her. Last night, it was 3 in the morning. I don't know how my girl does it, but she does. And that's why I need to be the party throwing type.

Her 17th birthday is coming up and I'm pretty sure she didn't want me to know about it. She hasn't said anything, hasn't asked for anything, but thanks to Facerange, I know that her birthday's on Saturday. I told Adam about this and he suggested we throw her a surprise party. After just little consideration I thought, why the hell not? It's for Clare and she needs a day to relax.

So for weeks now, Adam and I have been secretly planning her birthday party. Thankfully, and also surprisingly, Jake convinced Clare's mom to let us throw the party at their house and for Clare's mom and Jake's dad to be gone while the party was going on. That meant that we could have as much fun as we wanted. Fun that didn't include teenage drinking though since I know Clare would never forgive me if I let that happened.

We only invited Clare's good friends though so it'd be a little, but still fun, party. It's not like Clare would enjoy a huge house party with people she didn't know. Besides, I know she's been tired so I didn't want to make her more tired, just happier.

Adam and I meet up at his locker before school starts the morning before the party and he tells me, "I got Alli and Jenna to take Clare out for breakfast and shopping tomorrow so Jake will call us when they're gone so we can come over and set up."

"Perfect," I reply. "Tell Alli and Jenna to make it brunch. I want Clare to get the chance to sleep in tomorrow."

"Will do," Adam nods and then looks over my shoulder. "Here comes Clare. Wow, she looks _tired_."

I frown and turn around and see Clare walking our direction. She's holding her books up with both arms and the tired look on her face is evident with the slight darkness under her eyes.

"Hey," I say softly, placing a hand on her cheek and kissing the other. "How'd you sleep?"

"On and off," she replies with a yawn. "But at least I got my essay done."

I can't fight the smile. Even when she's stressed out she's still optimistic. "If you want, I'll take you out for ice cream at The Dot afterschool. Ice cream makes everyone feel better."

"That's a great idea," Clare smiles tiredly. "I'm gonna go to class. I'll see you for lunch?"

"Absolutely," I tell her. She leans up to kiss my cheek and says goodbye, turning the corner to walk to class.

"Maybe I'll tell Alli and Jenna to take her out to lunch…" Adam says.

"Yeah," I sigh. Seeing Clare like this breaks my heart. I know she's a hard worker and all but is it worth not having energy? But I know she's gone through more stressful things and has had one thing pile up on another and she's gotten through. She's tough and she works hard and I think she'd tell me to stop worrying, that she'll be fine. But how can I not worry? Hell, even Adam's worried and he's usually the one telling me to stop worrying. But the look on Adam's face says it all.

"Maybe there's something else going on," he tells me. "Not just all the work she's doing."

"I don't know," I admit. "I wish she'd tell me. But I don't want to crowd her or make her feel suffocated. So I'll let her come to me. That's the right thing to do, right? Until then, I hope she likes our party."

"_Your_ party," Adam says. "This was your doing, not mine. That means if she doesn't like it, it's all _your _fault."

I smack his shoulder. "Thanks. Come on, let's get to class."

* * *

The school day has been dragging on forever. I can't even concentrate or keep my eyes open. I texted Eli last night at 3 in the morning just so he thought I'd actually be going to sleep by then. But truthfully, I didn't sleep until 5 and only got an hour or so of sleep in. This insomnia's making everything worse, if things aren't already at their worse.

This past week I've been pretending to go downtown for my internship for the newspaper when truthfully I've been going downtown and just sitting at a café. I lost the internship but I couldn't bear to tell my mom or Eli. He was so proud of me when I told him and I lose it just a few days later?

"_I'll teach you everything you need to know, I promise."_

I shake my head and try to forget the memory of his voice, of his presence, of him in general, but I can't. When I close my eyes, he's there. He's always there and I hate it.

Finally, the last bell rings and I'm out the door before anyone else. I can't wait to actually spend time with Eli today. With pretending to be at the internship and doing actual school work, I haven't had much time to actually be with him. I text him when he texts me and all but it's not the same. I know he notices how I've been acting but I don't think he actually knows what's going on.

I think I should keep it that way, right? I mean, he doesn't have to know. I took care of it. I reported him, he's been released from the paper, and I don't have to worry about him anymore. So it's like it didn't happen…so Eli doesn't need to know.

But it did happen.

And I can't forget it.

"_Don't think that I haven't noticed what you've been doing. Getting everything ready for me, always smiling and laughing, being complimentary, even doing the editing work that you do better than my actual editors. I see what you're doing, and I like it."_

I don't even notice when Eli finds me at the entrance of Degrassi. It makes me jump when I finally realize he's there. "Sorry," he says sheepishly. "Didn't mean to scare you."

"I know, I'm just jumpy is all," I try to say calmly. When Eli smiles at me, with his genuine smile and teeth and all, it makes me forget just for a moment. Eli offers me his hand which I happily take and we start on our way.

"How was your day?" he asks me.

"Fine," I reply. _Always fine._ Eli doesn't say anything, which makes me think that he wants me to keep the conversation going, which I do. "Alli and Jenna asked me to lunch tomorrow."

"That's cool," Eli says. "Birthday lunch, eh?"

I stop walking, which makes Eli stumble a bit. "How'd you know it was my birthday?"

"You know, it kinda makes me sad that you can't even tell me about your birthday," Eli looks down as he says this. "But Facerange told me. How come you didn't want me to know?"

"I just…I don't find my birthday to be all that exciting," I admit to him. "Ever since Darcy left I…"

_Darcy._

_What made her change, what made her leave. It's almost the same. We're the same._

I start to think about what happened to Darcy just a few years ago. She kept her…secret a secret and it destroyed her. She tried to kill herself over it, I almost lost my sister because of what happened to her. It changed her completely, she stopped talking to me most of the time, she started lying more. But then the next thing I know I'm in the hospital with my parents waiting to hear if Darcy was alive or not.

"Clare? Are you okay?"

"I have to go," I say quickly and head towards the direction of my house.

"Clare! Wait!"

But I leave Eli behind me and run the my house, clutching my sides and fighting the tears. There was one person I know who'd be able to help me, to comfort me, and she's thousands of miles away from here. And that depresses me even more.

That doesn't stop me from trying to call her though. I use our phone card and dial Darcy's number in Kenya. I pray for her to answer me because just hearing her voice would be a comfort.

"Hello?"

_Thank God. _"Darce?"

"Clare?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"Wow, you sound different! Do you want to Skype? I actually on the computer now."

"Yes," I say quickly. "Absolutely. Please."

Within five minutes I was staring at my beautiful sister through a screen. She looked a lot different. Her hair was shorter ("I cut it so I wouldn't be so hot") and she was thinner and tanner ("That's what happens when I'm in the sun so much!").

"I'm pretty sure I told you this last time but I really do love that you lost the glasses," she tells me. "And your hair! My god, you're so gorgeous!"

I smile a little and look down at my hands. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asks me. "Why'd you call?"

"I need to tell you something because I didn't know who else to tell," I tell her. Already, I have to stop from crying. "I knew you'd have the right thing to tell me. I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner but…I finally did. You're the only person who can understand."

"You're scaring me, what's going on?"

"I got this internship for a newspaper and there was this…guy, he was…he was the one who was teaching me, showing me around, and…"

"Clare…"

"His name is Asher and…" I cover my face but I couldn't hide it from Darcy. I start to cry and can't even make the words to continue.

"Clare, what did he do?"

I can't look at Darcy's face when I tell her. "He…tried to touch me and kiss me and…"

"Clare, look at me."

I find the strength to look at Darcy who looks as if she's trying really hard not to lose it. "Did he…?"

"I pushed him away," I tell her. "And I ran out."

"Oh thank goodness," she says in relief. "You reported him right?"

"I did," I say. "But Darce, I can't escape him, I can't go an hour without thinking of him and how he tried to…I can't talk to anyone, I can't do anything without being reminded of it."

"Clare, I'm really glad you told me but you have to talk to other people, allow people to comfort you. You can tell Mom, Dad, I'm sure you can even tell Eli. There are people who won't judge you and who'll love you no matter what. I love you so much Clare and hearing that this happened to you, it hurts so much. I'm so glad you had the strength to push him away, to report him, and to escape him. But do not bottle this up. Tell someone you trust, someone who can actually hold you and comfort you. I hate that we're so far apart because right now, if I was there, I'd be hugging you on your bed and bringing you any kind of ice cream you want."

"Ice cream makes anyone feel better," I smiled a little, remembering what Eli said.

"I want to be the person who'll bring you ice cream and eat the entire carton with you and tell you it's going to be okay but I can only do half that. Clare, I know it's going to be okay, you're going to be strong and you're going to get through this. No matter how long it takes. But you need to have the someone to be there to comfort you and talk to. Don't shut people out. That's what I did and I do not want you to end up down my path, okay?"

I nod, wiping my eyes. I didn't realize how much better I would actually feel after telling someone but I feel better knowing that I wasn't the only person who knew.

"I'm proud of you for being strong Clare," Darcy tells me. "I wish I had your courage."

And that means everything in the world to me. Darcy and I talk for hours until she finally has to go. We tell each other that we love each other and we say our goodbyes. I look outside my window after closing my laptop and realize that the sun was already setting.

I lay down in my bed, wiping my eyes another time, and before I know it, my eyes were getting heavy. I pull the covers over me and clutched my pillow, hoping for a long sleep.

* * *

"So she just…ran?"

"Yeah, she was talking about her birthday and mentioned Darcy and her face got cold and she left," I tell Adam. As we walk to Clare's house after being given the all clear, I tell Adam about what happened yesterday. "I asked Jake if Clare was home and if she was okay and he told me that she got home and he heard her talking to Darcy on Skype when he passed her room."

"Guess she just missed her sister?" Adam says.

"Maybe," I shrug. But still, I don't think that's it. Why would she suddenly get so pale? We've talked about Darcy before and she'd never gotten that upset. But regardless, I didn't force her to talk to me. I let her have a night of peace. She didn't even text me before she went to sleep so I hope she at least got some sleep last night. I did text her this morning to tell her Happy Birthday and that I'll drop by sometime today. Thankfully she replied with a thanks and telling me she was looking forward to seeing me today so at least I know she's not mad at me or anything.

We arrive at Clare's house and Jake's already got the first floor cleaned and furniture pushed aside for extra room. We start decorating and the food deliveries come right on time. We set up everything for the party and while Adam and Jake continue to set up, I manage to go upstairs and place my present on Clare's bed.

By the time Clare's supposed to get home with Alli and Jenna, all of the people we invited for the party was already here. Once I got the text that they just got off the bus, we turned off the lights and hid. The minutes of waiting were minutes of agony, not only because I was anxious to see Clare but also since Adam had his knee painfully on my back.

Once the door finally opened, the lights turned on and we all screamed "Surprise!"

Did I ever think I'd ever do that? No. But for Clare, I'd do anything.

"What's all this?" was Clare's first reaction. Her hand was placed over her heart and for a minute I thought she was angry with her surprise, but then she smiled. "I can't believe you all! How you managed to keep this a secret!"

"Well, Eli threatening us not to say anything was definitely a reason why we said nothing," KC tells her. I roll my eyes, because it's true.

"Eli?" Clare looks over to me and I walk to her, kissing her forehead and wrapping my arms around her.

"Happy Birthday," I say in her ear. "I hope you like this. I thought it'd cheer you up."

"It did, it does, thank you," she says happily. She kisses me briefly and hugs me strongly and it takes all of my power to actually be able to release her. I didn't want to let her go just yet since this was the first time in a while that we weren't at school and I could actually hold her for as long as I wanted.

But I watch her as she enjoys her party. Everyone gives her their presents and we all manage to have a good time despite being in a cramped area and not having the stuff people usually find at the high school parties they go to. By the time everyone leaves, we've made a huge mess that needed to be cleaned up before Clare and Jake's parents arrived. Thankfully, Adam and Jake helped with the cleanup when I convinced Clare to go upstairs to take a nap and I still had a few hours alone with Clare before her parents came home.

When I got up to her room I found her sleeping peacefully on her bed. I smiled knowing that she finally got to sleep "early" and well and I didn't want to disrupt her sleep. So I started to write a note to her, saying Happy Birthday and I hope she liked her party and to call me when she woke up, but while I wrote the note she did actually wake up.

"What time is it?" she asks groggily.

"5," I tell her. "I was just about to leave."

"And I fell asleep? I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize, it's your birthday you don't need to apologize," I reply. She smiles a beautiful smile and takes my hand.

"Can I tell you something?" she asks me. She sits on her bed crosslegged and motions for me to sit in front of her. I sit on her bed as well, taking her hands and joining them with mine.

"Of course you can," I say. "Shoot."

"You have to promise not to explode though," she tells me and I get confused.

"I won't," I say, suddenly afraid. "What's going on?"

She takes a deep breath before she begins. "You know my internship?"

"Yeah," I say slowly.

"I lost it," she says.

"What? Why?"

"Because…there was this guy and…" I already clench my fists but remembering that Clare's hands were in mine, I loosened them and held hers softly. "He…he tried to…" And she started to cry and fell to me. I immediately wrapped my arms around her, putting her head on my shoulder, as she cried. Her tears fell to my shirt and I held her tighter, putting a hand to her hair and tried to soothe her.

"I pushed him away though," she cries, holding me tighter. "He tried to touch me and I pushed him away."

I hid my relieved reaction, hid my angry reaction, and gave her my comforting one. There was no way to make her feel better if I reacted angrily so I gave her what she needed. A shoulder to cry on and a body to make her feel safe.

"He fired me," she admits. "So I've only been pretending to go. I'm so sorry."

I feel all kinds of things in my mind. Anger, relief, sadness, happiness, disappointment, and more emotions that I can't even interpret. There is a man out there who harassed my girl, who thought he could take advantage of my girl, and my girl had the courage to stand up for herself.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I say in her ear. "Nothing. You don't deserve this, Clare. Someone doing this to you, I…I wish I could've protected you."

"You are," she says. "Right now. By being here for me."

"So where is he?" I say cautiously.

"I know he got fired, after I reported him. But I don't know where he is."

"There's no way I'm letting anyone hurt you again," I say seriously. "I wish I could turn back time, I wish I could stop him, I wish I was there for you earlier, I wish that—"

"You're here now," she looks up at me and I wipe the tears from her cheeks. "You're my person to talk to, you my person to tell everything to, you're my person who'll bring me ice cream when I'm upset, just be my person, okay?"

"If you'll be mine," I smile. I maneuver around a bit and manage to lay down on my back while Clare cuddled up to my side. I have her left hand in my right and move it up to my lips and kiss her hand. "I'm proud of you," I tell her. "For sticking up for yourself, for doing something, for telling me. I'm so proud of you."

"I wish I was proud of myself," she says softly.

"You should be," I say.

"I'm proud of you," she tells me. "For reacting this way. I know that you must be angry."

"Trust me, I have a lot of things to say but you need me right now and as long as you need me, I'll be right here to hold you," I tell her.

"I thought that you'd think of me differently," she admits. I turn my head slightly to look at her and comfortingly press a hand to her cheek.

"Think of you differently? I love you like crazy, Clare. Nothing will change that. I'm not going anywhere."

She smiles. "You told me that before."

I think back to that memory, thinking how long ago that really was. But time hasn't changed, I'm still not going anywhere. So I press a kiss to her forehead, whispering to her that she should go to sleep, and that I wasn't going anywhere.


End file.
